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Typical Adventurers
Bert is following a group of adventurers. They’re killing a red dragon in a rocky crevasse just outside its lair, a truly epic fight. Bert gets out his lunch and casually eats it in a corner while the adventurers kill the dragon. They utterly ignore him, because he’s only worth 5 xp. He’s a grey.
He likes watching them in action. Crotchshot is a Ranger with the Cursed Hero trope (which is gold with an unhappy face on it). White has the White Necromancer trope (which is white with a skull on it),...

Kit the Kitsune
We introduce Kit the sorceress. She almost detects Bert, and senses that someone is there, but she can’t quite catch sight of them. Whoever or whatever it is is good. Perhaps the best she’s ever seen at stealth (Bert is sitting right by her gathering copper).
The White Necromancer is very excited. He can animate the dragon and they can use it as a mount. Kit points out that it will stink. Besides it’s a corpse, and it was sentient before they murdered it. Isn’t he supposed to be good alignment? ...

Bert Smart
Bert has a dilemma. Since Kit stayed behind its still kind of risky to approach. But most adventurers can’t see critters, and since he counts as a critter he should be safe. He quietly creeps up to the remains of the treasure, and starts bagging copper.
He’s super excited when he finds three silver pieces that the adventurers missed. That’s more money than he’s ever had in his life. He finally has enough money, but doesn’t say for what.
He begins hauling the heavy sack back to town, and passes ...

Paradise
Bert heads down the road into town, and notes early that he doesn’t feel as smart. It’s harder to think. By the end of the chapter he’ll no longer know how to count his copper.
As he approaches town he’s accosted by a patrol of Warg Riders, who are 2nd level. He should know one of them. They ask where he’s been and what he’s declaring. Bert reluctantly gets his pack out and dumps the copper in the dirt. He cleverly hides the three silver in his loincloth.
The Warg Riders don’t want his money. Me...

Bert Dumb
Bert returns to his pile of trash, and we see another step down in his intelligence. He gives half his copper to his mother, but now he can’t even count it. She is not any more impressed than the Warg Riders. His mother doesn’t have a trope either. She’s a critter.
Bert sadly takes the rest of his copper and adds it to his mount fund. He resolves to buy one. He’s rich now. Surely he can just buy one from the shop the adventurers use.
He knows that the adventurers will head into town where they w...

Boberton



Bert heads to the city of $PLACEHOLDER where the adventurers went to sell the dragon’s horde. He notices within a few hours that he feels more clear headed, and when he sets up camp the first evening he counts his copper. He feels like there is a pattern to this, but he isn’t smart enough to see what it is.
He weaves through traffic, and has to be careful because no one sees him. He stops at the Monster Shop, and heads inside. He drags a chair over to the counter, and stands atop it to get th...

<<<. Plot Marker Kit >>>

Negative Quality
Kit has arrived back at town and heads to the inn where her party is staying. It’s not hard to find since there is an undead dragon parked outside, which has caused a panic. Peasants have fled, and the area around it is completely deserted.
The party is seated around a table in the middle of the inn. No one greets Kit as she comes in and sits down. Crotch is already drunk, and still hitting on a bar made. He’s bragging that even with the penalty from the beer he’s still got a +16 to seduce her.
...

<<<. Plot Marker Bert >>>

The Inn of Beer
Bert leaves Paradise and heads to the local inn where the adventuring party he was tailing is staying. They’ve apparently run out of money, and are ready to hit the next adventure. Bert dutifully follows them, and despite things like saying ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes they still have no idea that he’s there, because he’s a grey level 1.

The Tomb of Deadly Death
This will need to be broken into several component chapters. Bert follows the adventurers into the Tomb, and down several levels. He’s gradually accumulating loot they discard, and as they get wealthier they care less and less about what they grab. They’re even leaving gold behind.
Bert is collecting this stuff, but also starting to realize he shouldn’t be here. There are a lot of AoE attacks from creatures, and he only has 1 HP. A casual cleave will end him. So he hides as best he can, and foll...

Fencing the Goods
Bert returns home absolutely wealthy, but before he can return home he has to launder the money. Goblins down’t really care much for gold. They like garbage. Things that can be modded into their homes.
So Bert goes to the town garbage company, and pays them to bring all the garbage to his house in paradise. They eagerly agree.

Return to Paradise
Bert returns home rich and prosperous, but finds that no one cares, even when the garbage is delivered. The wargs still won’t accept him. Boberton has been growing at an astronomical rate and is now as tall as Bert.
One of Boberton’s heads has become a close friend, but the other is always trying to bite Bert. It’s very stressful, but he loves Boberton anyway. By the end of the book both heads will like him.

The Dark Lord White
DLW does something horrendously evil and self-serving that Kit cannot sit by and allow. She goes to her fellow adventurers and asks them to rebel and take him down. No one is interested. She points out that they’ll get to loot his body.
Now they’re interested, except Po, who can’t hear anything.
The rest of them are interested, but won’t do it because they fear White. He’s too strong, especially now that he has the Dark Lord trope. He’s been making lots of undead, too many for them to fight.
A...

Bodies Hit the Floor
DWL sends undead minions to capture all the goblins. Similar parties are sent to other towns. He wants as many bodies as possible so he can make an undead army of workers who can upgrade his keep into a fortress of doom, which will give him +2 to all saves and the well rested bonus.
Make it clear to the reader that he’s slaughtering thousands so he can get a minor bonus.
This is from Bert’s perspective, who’s there when they invade his village. Fortunately, Bert and most of the goblins are ignor...

Climactic Battle
Short version: Bert gets the drop on the Dark Lord White because all his powerful alarm and detection spells automatically exclude critters, and Bert is listed as a critter. He snatches the DL trope, and a good chunk of DLW’s power.
Kit launches an attack, backed by the rest of the crew they’ve gathered throughout the book. They trounce the ‘heroes’ and lock them in the dungeon. White gets away. Only sparkly vampire is lost in the assault.

You Can't Go Home Again
Bert realizes he can’t return home. He has an army of undead now, which is a big responsibility for a goblin with 1 hp. Fortunately he levels up and now as 11 hp. Enough to take a single hit from an average 1st level adventurer.
He decides that he doesn’t need a warg. He has Boberton. With this acceptance, Boberton accepts him fully. He is now large enough to mount, and Bert does so for the first time.
He talks with Kit and his crew, and we end on an amusing anecdote. Everyone got out okay, exce...